You are in a relationship and it is going well, not great. Your partner may feel distant or just a general feeling of unhappiness may abound. Perhaps it no longer feels like it is meant to be. When this happens, we must first get to know our inner self. We must know what we really think and feel to decide what needs to happen. If you feel underappreciated, that your partner depends on you but does not return the favor, talk to them first. Perhaps they do not realize what they are doing and need it brought to their attention to make a change. Talking is always a good first step.
Talking can be daunting at times because it requires vulnerability. If you are truly uncomfortable, talk with a counselor first to help you communicate. If you are really struggling with whether the relationship is right, sit alone and think about it first before talking to anyone. Write out the things you like about your partner and the relationship and the things that are problematic. It is possible to truly love someone, but not do well in a relationship. If this is you, get out of the relationship so you can both be happy. If you find you really do love your partner, then open up the lines of communication. Working things out together can make you both stronger. Communication truly is the key.
When You are Done
If you come to the conclusion you are done, then get out immediately. There is no need to remain unhappy and though it may be hard and uncomfortable, making the call has upsides. Maybe things will not get better and cannot be fixed. Maybe you are tired of trying. Do not be afraid to move on because ultimately it will be best for both of you. The sooner you are out, the sooner the healing can start on both sides.
Remember that in any relationship there will be times you and your partner are unhappy. Issues will arise from time to time and make life complicated. Most times, these can be worked out if you want them to be. However, if nothing is ever resolved then unhappiness can fester and turn into hatred. Anyone can find faults in a partner if they are searching for them. Find balance in the way you look because there is no need to be excessively critical. Honestly decide if you love your partner, life they love you, if you enjoy one another or if you prefer living alone.
Tips for Happiness in a Relationship
- Be grateful – Look for the positives, not the negatives. Everyone has faults that can be pointed out, but if you focus on what is working then you can be happier.
- Don’t try to change them – A relationship is chosen, not forced so there was something that drew you to a particular person. If you are trying to change them, what caused this need? Speak openly and honestly with one another to try to overcome.
- Be honest with yourself – You are the one that makes you happy. Take a deep look at yourself to find the source of unhappiness because it may not be your partner, but something inside. If you feel you need something new then try a hobby or job. Make sure you are a loving partner before casting someone aside.
- Avoid ‘right-fighting’ – Avoid prolonging arguments just to prove you are right or to get your partner to say you are even if you are not. This is controlling and unattractive. Be willing to look at things from the other person’s point of view. Just because you differ in opinion does not mean either is wrong, just different.
- Respect – We need to both give and receive respect in a relationship. Name calling, cursing, belittling, and physical attacks are never necessary. Treat others as you want to be treated.
- No deceit – Honesty is key in a relationship. Tell the truth always and expect the same without being mean or rude.
- Communicate – Devote time weekly to openly communicating with one another. This is not a time of complaint airing, but to make sure you are on the same page about things like finances, goals, children, and such. When you take time to do this there is less likely to be any blind siding issues that get out of hand.
- Romance – Keep the romance alive in a relationship in fun ways. Surprise your partner with something they will love, spend time alone together, and just get to know each other without discussing the normal things in life. This is time to add to happiness, not fight. Your partner should be as open as you are to share loving feelings and romance.
- Counseling – When problems seem to be overwhelming and the basic techniques are not working, seek professional help. This does not mean the relationship is doomed. This can be a source of help so you can communicate better and salvage the relationship if that is what is wanted.
Not all relationships will work out, but you get out of a relationship what you are willing to put in. Be open to trying and open to leaving if you are truly unhappy.